What Your “Resistant Client” Wants You to Know
Well - these are the kinds of things they might want you to know. I can’t know for sure because each person is different. But these are some of the things that I have wanted wellness professionals to know when it comes to my own resistance, and my guess is that some of them might resonate for your clients, too.
While everyone has both motivation and resistance, some of us present as more motivated or more resistant at different times. Depending on which one is more on the surface, there are different things that a client might want you to know. Given that, I’ve split this into sections that speak to these different concerns, in addition to things that have been true for me throughout my whole process with my resistance.
What Your Covertly Resistant Client Might Want You to Know About Their Resistance
When I was early in my Healing Journey™, I rejected my own resistance pretty quickly and became the “good motivated client,” thinking that’s what I needed to do to Heal™. That didn’t make my resistance go away, though - it just drove it underground. When I look back at that time, these are the things that I would have wanted any wellness professional I was working with to know:
Just because I look “motivated” doesn’t mean I don’t also have resistance
I’m already fighting against my resistance myself
But I might deny that I have any resistance at all (even though I do)
I’m scared that if I acknowledge my resistance, it will take over and I will never get better or meet my goals
Your preference for my motivation reinforces my fears about my resistance and pushes my resistance deeper underground
I’m worried that you won’t like me or want to work with me anymore if I express my resistance
I focus on my motivation to cover up my resistance
When I’ve been honest about my resistance, it generally hasn’t gone over well - so it feels safer to not share it with you
What Your Overtly Client Might Want You to Know About Their Resistance
Later on, as I began befriending my resistance, it became more obvious and I communicated it more clearly to the wellness professionals I was working with, whether coaches, therapists, personal trainers, or anyone else. As I stopped seeing my own resistance as the problem, these are the things I would want wellness professionals to know (and, to be fair, I have communicated most of them at one time or another… ):
Just because I look “resistant” doesn’t mean that I don’t ultimately want change or understand what I need to do to get there - I’m just being honest
I’m sharing my resistance with you to see if I can trust you can handle it
And If you can’t handle my resistance, then this is not a good fit for me
I’m also sharing my resistance because I want to know that you understand how hard this is for me
Just telling me that your approach will work for me will not convince me to let go of my resistance - I need experiential proof
I’ve tried a lot of things already and I want you to understand and respect that
It makes me feel safe when you “roll with the resistance” and don’t take it personally
I don’t want you to cheerlead me or help me “look on the bright side”
I need you to trust that I’m ultimately capable of whatever it is I’m trying to achieve in our work together
What Every Client Ultimately Wants You to Know About Their Resistance
No matter where I’ve been in my relationship to my resistance, there are a few things that I have experienced as true accross the board:
The more overt my resistance, the worse response I’ve gotten from wellness professionals
Your relationship to my resistance impacts my process with you (likely more than you realize)
I can pick up on your relationship to my resistance (again - likely more than you realize)
I need both my motivation and my resistance to have a home in our work together - when either feels invalidated, it doesn’t work for me
The most important thing that your resistant client wants you to know (that they might not even know they want you to know) is: It is such a relief and is so humanizing when you recognize and embrace my resistance as an attempt to take care of myself rather than as the enemy.
If you’re curious about how to support your clients with their resistance, you’re welcome to check out my offerings for professionals. If you would like to contact me directly, I would love to hear from you.
