How Client Resistance Shows Up
The short version is that client resistance shows up as any kind of “no” in response to something that they are trying to do. We call this no “resistance” particularly when it is directed at something that we (as wellness professionals) think our clients should do.
That “no” can sometimes be obvious, be hidden, or somewhere in between. As we start to explore what it means to work with client resistance, it is helpful to get clear on exactly how it's showing up in order to know what approaches to resistance will feel most supportive to the client.
The Spectrum of Resistance
One way to look at resistance is on a spectrum from overt resistance to covert resistance, with a whole range in between:
Clients can have an overall tendency to show up with more overt or covert resistance. For example, you have someone who regularly drags their heels and shows up to your meetings then minutes late (overt resistance). But you have another client who is feeling a bit stuck in their process, but who is always ten minutes early and ready to jump right in (covert resistance).
Clients can also move along this spectrum from session to session and even within the same session.
Ultimately, it is less important to try to fundamentally categorize people than it is to be able to use your understanding of the different ways resistance shows up to support your clients in their work with you. The more clarity we have about a client’s resistance, the better we can engage with it directly and respectfully, knowing that it has a lot of wisdom regarding what the client wants and needs.
Working With Covert Resistance
Client example:
A new client comes to their initial meeting with you expressing how excited they are about getting into the work. They’ve read the books, listened to the podcasts, they can give you all kinds of insight and context about their challenges and struggles. They really feel like this is going to be the thing that works for them and they are optimistic that they will get what they’ve been looking for.
But then the weeks go on and maybe there are times where the client feels frustrated that they aren’t moving along faster. Or maybe they stick it out for a year, earnestly pushing themselves, but you’re not seeing the shifts that you would expect after this much time. They are committed, but something seems off and maybe the client even starts to doubt their ability to achieve what they came to you hoping to get.
Covert resistance might look like:
Presents with motivation: may express intense enthusiasm at first, including a lot of research before the session
High level of transparency: willing to share a lot about their personal story
Internalizing: negative self-talk when it comes to their resistance, calling themselves lazy or saying it’s their fault when they have a hard time in their process with you
Tips for working with covert resistance:
Be wary of allying with the motivation against the resistance. It can be easy to get sucked in and pump up the excited parts. While it feels good at first, the danger is that it can drive the resistance further underground.
But also don’t push too hard to connect with the resistance. It is likely that the client has a lot of resistance to their own resistance and may not even want to admit that it’s there. Tread lightly.
Focus on regularly getting feedback from the client about their experience of their work with you. Make it safe for them to say no to an intervention or to say they don’t like something, especially if you can feel that they are very much a “yes” person.
Working With Overt Resistance
Client example:
Another new client starts working with you the next day, saying that they are somewhat reluctant and unsure about getting started with this work. They know that they probably should be doing something different, which is why they’re even here in the first place. But they are worried that even if they follow through with working with you, nothing will fundamentally shift. At the end of the day, they are genuinely worried about the consequences of what will happen if they don’t at least try to do something, but they don’t have a ton of confidence that it will work out.
After some weeks, maybe they keep coming (seemingly through sheer willpower), but they say that you aren’t really understanding the problem they are facing. Or perhaps their attendance is shoddy, sometimes coming on time, other times coming in late. And at some point, maybe they ghost you or tell you that they’re done for now.
Overt resistance might look like:
Presents with resistance: may say things like, “I know I’m a difficult client,” or, “Good luck! I’m a tough nut to crack.”
Low level of transparency: may be less quick to trust, more likely to take their time feeling out the relationship and what you can/can’t handle from them
Externalizing: clarity about what other professionals haven’t been able to do for them, awareness of the external challenges they face to accomplishing their goals, etc.
Tips for working with overt resistance:
Meet the resistance calmly and confidently. Do not shy away from the resistance and keep in check any defensiveness you might notice coming up in yourself.
Avoid “cheerleading” or trying to get them to focus on the motivation over the resistance. Do not try to prove that your services will “work” for them or get in a back-and-forth with their resistance.
Invite the client to go into more depth about what does and doesn’t work for them. Ask about their past experiences with other wellness professionals and continue to keep the door open for feedback going forward.
Next Steps
I encourage you to experiment with some of these ideas and to see how your clients respond.
As you do so, keep in mind a few things:
These two descriptions of how resistance can show up are the two extremes and that most of our clients are found somewhere in between them.
Any of these suggestions for working with overt and covert resistance may or may not be right for you or your clients.
I highly recommend first taking a look at what comes up for you in the face of client resistance as you try out new ways of relating to it.
For more in-depth guidelines for working with resistance, read more about the foundations of how to work with client resistance.
And if you’re ready to jump in and get my support in working with client resistance, feel free to get in touch or to go ahead and schedule a Resistance Reframe session and see how I can help.
