Do New Year’s Resolutions Work?

The statistics are out there to back up what we all know - that most of us tend to quickly abandon our new year’s resolutions. This is a well-known fact. And yet, we persist in setting them.

We Want What We Say We Want (Even if it Doesn’t Look Like It).

I would argue that this lack of follow-through happens in spite of our genuine desire to experience whatever it is we hope to get when we set those goals or intentions. Many people would disagree, saying, “Well, if they really wanted it, they would do it.”

As an addiction counselor and therapist with more than 10 years of experience, I can more-than-confidently say that this is not true. I have not met a single client who does not want what they say they want when they come into therapy.

It is equally true, though, that all of us face challenges when it comes to achieving those goals.

So if it is true that we do actually want what we say we want, and yet we have a collective follow-through issue, what does that mean about new year’s resolutions? Or any other goals, for that matter?

Should we just abandon New Year’s resolutions entirely?

Or is it that our goals are the wrong ones? Or do we just lack willpower?

The short answer: No.

The long answer: We are asking the wrong questions.

What motivates our resolutions? And our “resistance” to following through on them?

A more intriguing question for me is: Who makes your new year’s resolutions or sets those start-of-the-year intentions? Yes, it’s you. But more specifically: which part(s) of you? Which parts of you are driving the car when you optimistically crack open your journal on December 31st or put the marker to the dry erase board as the year is coming to an end?

While I can say with no hesitation that everyone I have met genuinely wants what they say they want, regardless of whether or not they follow through with getting it, I can’t say that is true for all parts of a person.

There are parts of us that genuinely, 100% want what they say they want. There are equally parts of us that genuinely, 100% want something else. And when that something else is at odds with our declared goals or resolutions, then that’s when things can get tricky with the follow-through.

Why do we set certain goals and not others?

The reason why we set certain goals and resolutions is largely because the parts of us who seemingly “oppose” those goals are the ones usually driving the car in our daily lives.

For example, if I was already going to the gym all the time, it is highly unlikely that I’m going to make my new year’s resolution to go to the gym more often. I set the resolution to go to the gym more regularly only because there is something in me that does not want to go to the gym very often and likely usually wins. Maybe it’s a part of me that wants to rest more or a part of me that is afraid that it won’t make any difference if I go to the gym and so protects me from the potential of “failure.”

For that gym buff, then, the goal might be taking a day off of social media once per week because in addition to going to the gym all the time, they are also glued to their phone 24/7. That part of them maybe wants to reduce their screen time so that they are more present when they are with their friends or wants to get better sleep. At the same time, there is a part of them that gets something from being on social media, whether that’s connection, distraction, validation, or something else entirely.

How to Use the New Year to Set Goals that Might Actually Work

While one part of us might want what our declared goal is, there are other parts of us that want other things. We don’t have a motivation problem or a follow-through problem. What we have is a problem with recognizing and validating the motivation behind all of our actions. We too often fail to see that all parts of us are motivated towards something, even if they seem resistant to what other parts of us want.

So what if instead of new year’s resolutions we started having new year’s resi-lutions? Resolutions that don’t just try to overpower or work around our resistance, but that fully honor and include it in our plans.